Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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