Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
