she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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