i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
