I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
