I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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