You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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