You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
