Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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