can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
