Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
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Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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