you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
