We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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