just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
