I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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