Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize