Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
