I wish I could punch you in the face.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
