ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
