i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
