How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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