my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
