The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
