Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
