if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
