I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
