Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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