When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
