its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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