hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
