i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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