herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
false alarm, still single
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
