So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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