Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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