Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
