Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
