I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
