I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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