Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
