After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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