fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
