It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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