Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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