you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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