I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
