whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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