I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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