Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have aggressive nipples.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
