it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
