Quick, to the slutcave!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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