I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize