just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
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