He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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