I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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