My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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