that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
