you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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