This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
