her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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