He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
