I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
