I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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