I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
