I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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