went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
