Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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