how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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