I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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