is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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