that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
