Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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