Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
