i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
