Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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