Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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