just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
