This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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