Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
